Downshift

I am writing this at work. I’ll Email it to myself when I’m done and hopefully I won’t chicken out.

I decided that its time to end this one. This blog is done.

It started as humor. It chronicled the beginning of my life as a father. It followed the fall of everything that meant anything to me. There is nothing left to say.

I have written several blogs recently but all of them end up in the scrap heap. I just don’t think I am in the same head space I was before.

I’ve done it to myself again, and I hate myself for it. I may have fooled myself into thinking I was right, but being content and having goals is something that I don’t think I was meant for. I won’t give them up, but I am pretty angry for thinking that I was that lucky. I'm pretty fucking stupid for thinking that hope and I would ever be good bedfellows. I’ll have to sit back and make some adjustments.

I like to take the training wheels off of Mikaila’s bike and make it just right for her. I like to click the settings on Emma’s skates when she tells me she wants to go faster. I want to be a better man for Glenda when she tells me to “handle it”. I don’t think I have done them any favors though. I don’t think I have been good enough. I have to try harder than I did before.

Until then thank you for reading and Emailing, as a matter of fact I received a random Myspace message (I know right?) recently asking when the next one was. I don’t even check Myspace anymore so I was quite surprised. If you’re reading this my friend, I’ll send you the link when I figure it out.

I think in another form I’ll do this again.

Soon.

It was fun, and it was sad, and it was scary and thanks to everyone who made me feel like what I was saying meant anything. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt like something of mine connected with anyone at all on some level.

I’ll never forget that. I’ll never forget all of you. I’ve saved all the Emails and messages. I’ve got all the links stored.

Time to shift gears.

Edit: 12/22/2010 http://zombilobotomy.blogspot.com/
Thank you.