And then...

And then…

And then there I was standing on the edge of the Pacific Ocean with the warm sun facing Emma and I as I held her little hands to avoid the rip tide. She has never been old enough to play in the water with all the other children and families running to and fro. Today she is, and she loves it, and I love this more than anything.

I take her away from the water, and change her behind a towel and get as much sand off of her as possible before putting her into a comfy dress and a comfy Umbrella Stroller and walk the Promenade with her. I am nervous and stressed but she is content and sleeping as we pass by beggars, and vagabonds. Street vendors and street musicians lull us into a tired trance that I don’t care to snap out of.

And then I am passing out on the floor while my friends from all over the country play video games and laugh and eat and joke with each other. They came to visit as we do on an almost bi annual basis. We who were here from the beginning play funny games and drink alcohol. Its in this that I realize that feeling alone in your own skin might be a permanent thing for me no matter the company, or the level at which such company and I can relate to each other.

Still. I wouldn’t be anywhere else at this moment, because Joy has made me a Penis cake.

And then I leave my job for something better. It’s the smart move. It’s the safe move. It’s a stroke of genius on my part. Or so I feel. I dive headfirst like I do from time to time only to hit a wall.

It’s the same wall that there always is.

“He quit you see, and because of that we have to let you go. We just don’t have the bandwidth to train someone new right now.”

But you wanted me, and you asked for me to come and interview.

“Yes I’m sorry. Really I am but please feel free to use us as a reference.”

And then I call Vanessa. Because when times get tough its my habit. She knows that this has happened to me time and time again. She knows that no matter how bad its gotten, even if she’s the reason its been bad. I make it out somehow.

And then I was almost in love again. I turned my back on it though.

And then we broke up.

And then I gave in.

And then I was a father.

And then…