I Hate Orca Whales

We stop by one local Diner that we haven’t been to in a while. This is only because we were about to hit up the IHOP, until we realized it’s no longer there.

So off to Shakers, and let me tell you a few things you need to know about the Awesomeness that is Shakers, and its owners.

1.They know there shit. I mean, they really do. They own 2 Shakers restaurants, 1 Wild Thyme Café, and most importantly they own The Diner.
2.The Diner kicks ass. It’s like something out of a Tarantino film; all they way down to the cheesy wanna be 50’s feel of the whole place.
3.Good service, quick food, and most importantly Vanessa’s sister works there so I pretty much have to say all this shit (actually, we don’t see her much so we head over on weekends so we get to say hello and she can say hi to our daughter, and Vanessa might read this so I pretty much had to put in this little side note as well).

It’s nice to go to a place you feel comfortable in. A nice, clean place with good service, well fuck all that because none of it happened.

First, Shakers is in the City of South Pasadena. For those of you who don’t live in the Los Angeles area the more common spelling
of this city is actually $$$$ <- That is all you need to write. “Excuse me sir?” “Yes?” “I’m a bit lost; do you know how to get here?”














“Ah, you take the 10, Exit Fremont and head north…”

You get it. Anyway...

Also found in South Pas is quite a few old people. Old people with money, to put it into perspective, South Pasadena is where my mother used to take me and the rest of the local poor children Trick or Treating.

Vanessa and I enter the Shakers. Some Emo-Bitch takes our name and we are taken to our seats.

Here is the thing about me and customer service. I really don’t care all that much. There is this great Thai place that treats Vanessa and I like crap. The only times we have ever gotten good service at this place is when we had our Asian friends with us. It’s amazing really. Then again, I don’t mind being the token Mexican in the group if my Asian friends don’t mind the constant questions regarding Real Estate and Nail Salons. The food at this place kicks ass, so we don’t mind it one bit. Sad huh?

What I mean is just give me my food and leave me alone. If I have everything I need I wont bug you at all.

We walk to our table and as usual the place is crowded with Old Farts. It’s funny how much old people hate me. Seeing as we have a baby they automatically assume that we have brought the spawn of Satan. Well, I never acted up in public as a kid. My daughter won’t be allowed to, and besides she’s a pretty good baby. Not because we were blessed with an angel or anything, but because we know that babies need to be handled a certain way. I’m no expert, but here is what my folks did with me.

Tired kid? Then that means cranky kid without a nap so cranky kid does NOT GET TAKEN TO A FUCKING MOVIE THEATER.
Hungry kid? Then that means cranky kid without any food so cranky kid does NOT GET TAKEN TO A FUCKING MOVIE THEATER.
Dirty kid? Then that means cranky kid without a fresh diaper so cranky kid does NOT GET TAKEN TO A FUCKING MOVIE THEATER.
Bored kid? Then that means cranky kid without some play time so cranky kid does NOT GET TAKEN TO A FUCKING MOVIE THEATER.

It’s really not all that hard. So for every Movie Theater reference please feel free to switch with Restaurant, Toy Store, Mall, Library, Crack House, Airplane etc. This is not set in stone so feel free to print this list, add your own, and hand out to your sister and her fuck-up “Baby-Daddy”.

Being the natural bad ass that I am I stare down all these old people 5 times my age. I’m pretty sure I can take at least one of them. The dirtiest look I receive is from some old Veteran who can’t be sure, but thinks I’m hiding Charlie.

Our waitress is about 500 pounds so we ask her if she’s had the different quiche that’s on the menu. Look, if you’re going to be that fucking huge the least you can do is know your shit when it comes to food. I mean, I’ve put on a few pounds the last couple years and I aint afraid to tell you that you gotta try the chili cheese fries at The Hat.

She knows nothing, and even tells us that she’s never had the Veggie quiche because she doesn’t eat Veggies. Really? You don’t say!

She takes our order, and leaves me to fend for myself. First things first, I consider sitting the baby down in a booster seat, but as I pick it up; I realize that my hand has somehow been glued to the seat. No really, I’m talking industrial strength adhesive. Well, either that or Shakers hasn’t cleaned this booster since 1982.

That’s fine; Emma is happy sitting next to us on a blanket playing with some odds and ends. I order a Burger because Shamu says they are pretty good and the fries are supposed to be in top form today. Vanessa orders the Vegetarian Quiche because she is insane. Emma drools.

So, the Quiche blows. No flavor. Hell, everything used to have flavor in this place. It’s as if all the old people got together and decided that in addition to taking over the local rec. center, they are also consolidating all salt in the local area and burning it because it’s from the devil. Dickheads.

My burger WOULD have been great with a little Ketchup. Just a dab every now and then would have been great. My waitress however neglected to provide condiments, and other very basic eating necessities which I can only assume is due the fact that she ate everything.

The fries are a sight to see really. Thick cut goodness and a wonder to smell, I mean they smell great. Though, have you ever bit into a Twinkie? Well, take the good part of said “Twinkie” and replace it with greasy potatoness wrapped in death and you have the crap I was eating.

Sometime later Orca-Fat shows up to take our place, we just ask for the check. Because were disgusted. Rich kids are running through the aisles. Some old man keeps looking at me like I’m shaking my baby. Biggie is kinda grossing me out.

Fuck Shakers.